Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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