the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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