Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
