I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
