3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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