your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
