Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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