I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
