Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
