Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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