3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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