11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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