franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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