well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
