If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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