There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
