nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
