walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
