she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
