oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
