i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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