It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
