just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
