I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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