420 ftw
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
