I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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