I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
