THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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