How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
