I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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