So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
