I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
