I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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