i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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