Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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