You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
