Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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