Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
