she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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