just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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