So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
