he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
