Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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