Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
