soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
