I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
