In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
