Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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