I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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