I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I intend to get homeless drunk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
