hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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