Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
