Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
