the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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