that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
