Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
