College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
