Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
