you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
