so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
