I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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