I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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