can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
