the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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