I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
