Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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