So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
