Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
COCAINE IS GR8
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when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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