Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
