apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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